Loosing the one whom you love

It's hard to anticipate how it feels to have both your parents gone. I have not returned many of your phone calls or messages sorry!

It's been a month I have lost my both parents. Having huge family support from parents family (the people that they earned, around 30 people stayed with us), I almost felt my parents are staying with us for that first 14 days of mourning period. As everybody has their life, they need to return. Some people are naturally good in supporting, some people try, on the other side people talk rubbish "it's been a month now you should be ready to get over", "you are not concerned of your parents death" did I just hear this? what? how evil it is for you to talk like this?", "you have lost your parents, you have lost everything, so shut down your work in USA and settle down in India", when everybody gets back to their normal life why should I not? People are selfish they see their returns even at this situation.

This is the life's greatest divides, I hear my mother around the house, my father's Honda reaching the house gate, our dog barking for him happily running around him. It brings back one's past in a rush of tenderness, guilt, regret and old forgotten moments.

A number of my friends have lost their parent, something that I'm going through with double promotion - it's not easy to see two favorite people sleeping in the freezer box and no lap to rest your head. For some, it was a relief, an end to watching a loved one peacefully or torturously go. But me and my brother are shocked to get a phone call that a seemingly strong mother and father had just checked out with a brutal accident.

However the end comes, you can’t know just how it will feel to be left behind. Even for those long estranged or shut out by dementia, the departure of parents serves a primal tie. A generation disappears. A hierarchy ends. A shift in the dynamics for those remaining; the chess pieces of parents rearrange themselves, sometimes in unexpected ways, and you got to accept this new changes and go with it. Some take advantage of this situation that you are vulnerable and impose rules on the weakened soles. Some voids becomes bigger than ever, others seal shut. Some people who are supposed to be supporters stays far and watch the drama tweaking in more difficulties in life, as if it's not enough seeing two gone!

Although, we are orphaned, abandoned, lonely, we need to adjust for the life that's in front of us. Gone is the shield. Gone is any illusion that we will always be strong, vital and together. We are next in line; through no effort of our own, we’ve stepped up.

The loss of parents also intensifies memories of that primary family and our place in it. Roaming around the places where me and my mom went "What did all those moments mean? Was there any meaning to them at all?" My dad a workaholic, travelled yearly 2/3 times with us. All those little moments, one such -when my dad used to ask my fairness face cream and I used to tease him. With whom can I get these all? Why the god is so cruel?

My dad's business in 20th main road, B.T.M 1st stage has not only attracted people for their studio but their hearts too. Many to most people in that area knows my parents. My Mom and dad used to sit together in their studio helping out each other in the business. Made for each other couple ha...! God is so jealous...! My mom "adobe photoshop expert" sits all days long like a software Engineer without a n engineering degree and make beautiful photos. The computer station at their studio is also abandoned and lonely now just like my dad's place in Studio! my dad pretty much lived in studio for 10 working hours every day with no day off. The respect my parents have earned in that area was not known until I saw the condolences, bereavement that they were showing closing their shops in that area.

We adjust, gracefully or not, to the "elder" role, on the far side of the divide. Each of us does it in our own way - I ask people to respect and give some space, because you don't how it is to loose two parents at such an young age together and left behind...!

- None of us escapes it, unless we die before our parents.